Keep friends close, enemies closer

In the workplace when you think someone is going to attack or sabotage us at work, we naturally become defensiveness.  This may be the best solution with some people (sociopaths, power mongers, or unreasonably angry colleagues).

David Lieberman, human behavior specialist and the author of the book Executive Power, suggests that the problems with your enemy or enemies may be because of their fragile ego and psychological distance from you.  

Lieberman says the best approach is to get to know your workplace enemy.  He suggests applying the following seven rules:  

Establish reciprocal liking

Approach a third party (a friend to both you and the saboteur) and tell them what you like and respect about the saboteur.  For example, how you admire that person for something they have accomplished or stand for.  

When the comment reaches the saboteur, it will decrease the tension you have with that individual.

It is important for the comment to be delivered by a third party, who is a trust individuals because if you tell the individual the comment yourself it won’t mean as much since you are not a trust individual.  

Greet with enthusiasm

Whenever you see the saboteur greet them with a genuine smile.  It will help both of you feel better, and make it tougher to feel threatened.

Be supportive

If the saboteur has made a mistake, approach them and tell them that everyone makes mistakes and not to punish himself or herself.  If the two of you are in a disagreement, acknowledge that the saboteur has made an insightful or interesting point, even if you have to disagree.

Give benefit of the doubt

If the saboteur does something that is disrespectful towards you, cut them some slack.  If you have to follow up, don't be accusatory, argue with or interrogate the person.

Show appreciation

Express your appreciation to the saboteur.  For instance, words like "thank you" and "I appreciate what you did for me" can build goodwill.

Show you're listening

When the saboteur is speaking give that your undivided attention.  It shows that person that you truly respect them. "It might seem like a little thing, but it's the kind of little thing that really affects how well two people gets along," Mr. Lieberman says.

Let them in

Approach the saboteur and ask him/her for advice and feedback on some issue.  You can develop a bond with someone when you let him or her be part of your life.  

Read more here

Posted by: suhujitha on 2009-08-25 11:28:24

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