When someone you work with just does not get it

Throughout our careers, we will stumble across many people.  Some people we may admire and others not so much.

We have all worked with people who "just don't get it." They don't listen or overestimate their worth or have no insight or are just plain thick.

Overtime, working with people that are difficult is just frustrating.  We become frustrated over the fact that we just cannot influence these people.  

Unfortunately, these people can influence us.  They can influence how we feel about our work.  

What can bosses and co-workers do to deal with "don't get it" types? Here are some of the most common, and some strategies to cope:

The unjustified self-admirer

This staffer suffers from delusions of self -admiration.

A self-admirer is tricky.  They are under the impression that they are terrific.  They disapprove of people who question what they are doing or how.  

So proceed with caution.  Their sense of self is so fragile that, if you challenge them, they may lie or attack.  Self-admirers are incapable thinking thoughts such as:  I am competent but not perfect.

Be mindful of how you express yourself when giving feedback. Avoid any statement that could be construed as an attack on their competence. Phrase comments in a way that allows them to save face. For example, "I may not have made clear the urgency of this project, so I understand why it is late, but ..."


The insatiable ascender

This person is a top performer.  They are extremely amibitious, if they receive one promotion they start their quest for another promotion.  

A insatiable ascender can be a good asset to an organization, but you also have to satisfy this individual’s hunger for status and recognition. While you have repeatedly counselled him or her to curb ambition in the short term, it falls on deaf ears.

If you work with an insatiable ascender then you probably dislike the fact that your co-worker can't understand why he or she acts more entitled than you to plum projects and recognition. They also may make you feel insecure about your own talent and abilities.  

“So what do you do? If you're the boss, you need to ask: What lengths are you willing to go to keep this person? If the answer is far, then you will need to feed the unquenchable thirst for status with a rich diet of high-profile assignments, large bonuses, constant pats on the back and significant opportunities to interact with senior executives.”  

Remember, when you keep a top-perform other employees will resent being constantly passed over in favor of the star.

You can try to bring the ambitious staffer into line by being clearer about your expectations. Spell out how he or she needs significant accomplishments in his or her current role to move up.

Be blunter than you've been:  Clarify to your employees that trying to get a promotion may come off as an annoyance to upper-level management. The last thing people highly motivated by ambition want to do is to compromise their reputation with the big guys.

Co-workers need to understand that overachievers are often unaware of their impact on others. They are not considerate of others' feelings; they just don't think of them while so focused on their own ascent.

A private conversation can sometimes help. For example, when you miss out on a great opportunity because a career builder has been so aggressive in putting himself or herself forward, you might say something like: "You may not be aware but I am also interested in moving up, and when you constantly pitch yourself as the only person for the assignment, I am missing out. Maybe we can work more collaboratively."

The wall

These people are very difficult to change or influence. No matter how many times you have given feedback or made requests to do something differently, and no matter how many different ways you have phrased your messages, it's as if those conversations never took place.

This type is frustrating to deal with because of the feelings of helplessness they engender when you try to influence their behavior. As a result, co -workers and bosses become overwhelmed and irritated by everything The Wall does.

Another problem when dealing with this type of person is the way we communicate.  We may be asking for something that is confusing or asking for it at the wrong time.  Other possibilities include a long list of deadlines that have to be met prior to working on new tasks.    

Identify what is most important to you. For example, after a meeting when The Wall has agreed to do several things and you are worried none will get done, send a brief e-mail outlining two or three key commitments, and ask the person to confirm when and how they will deliver.

Worst case?  If nothing changes, at least you have covered your back and have necessary documentation if you are questioned on your performance or need to make a case for dismissal.

The thick as a brick

Some people just simply don’t have the brain power to understand and process what you have said.

Usually they can assess others’ intellectual abilities pretty accurately, but there are times when the problem is not on their end but on our failure to communicate clearly.

Sometimes what is obvious to us is not so obvious to them because they don't have the underlying knowledge to understand what we're saying.

If either of those are the case, simplify what you need to say down to the basics. Determine whether they are familiar with and understand the concepts you are using, and whether you have a shared understanding of the issues at hand.

Your choice: You can try to circumnavigate this person so that the quality of your work doesn't suffer as a result of their lack of competence. Or, if you're truly hitting the wall, you can do what some people I know who have worked with incompetent people have done: They changed jobs.

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Posted by: suhujitha on 2009-08-20 12:41:41

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