Caught between a rock and a hard cubicle: Workplace crushes

Workplace relationships and romance where do they begin?  Well, when women and men spend about 40 hours a week working in the same office, they form bonds over months and years that come from teamwork and shared goals.  Eventually these bonds turn into affection, romance, or, an office crush.

Romances and crushes will develop in the workplace.  There are no laws or policies that can really deter them from happening, but when things do not work out, it is the employer who has to deal with the consequences.  The results of workplace romances and crushes can include lost productivity, lawyer and investigator costs, court cases, and the disruption of work.

A survey done by careerbuilder.ca found that more than 13% of men admitted to having romantic affections for a co-worker, compared to 5% of women.  

Workplace crushes are very far from being labeled sexual harassment, but a workplace crush can eventually be categorized as that when it is unwanted.  The workplace crush can create problems concerning etiquette, politics, and power, especially for individuals who find themselves on the receiving end of the attention, and not enjoying it.  

Two experts in the field - an occupational psychologist and a University of B.C. business professor – state that the best way to prevent potential problems or discomfort is to act early, and with a direct approach.

Address a workplace crush by being polite and forthright in order to ease a love struck co-worker’s insecurities, maintain a professional culture and get on with work, according to Karl Aquino, a professor of organizational behavior and human resources at UBC's Sauder School of Business.

"There are standards of behavioral protocol that apply in the workplace that wouldn't apply anywhere else," Aquino said.

If the person interested in you approaches you and makes his or her feelings clear the best way to deal with it is to be calm and polite but straightforward while firmly drawing boundaries, stated Aquino.  

"It's appropriate to say you don't share those feelings, and something to the effect of, ‘I would appreciate if we could continue being professional.' You have to set boundaries."
Aquino admitted the workplace crush presents a grey area, ethically and professionally.

Though there may be an unrequited expression of interest, it's not sexual harassment. But once it affects productivity, the game changes, he said.

"Once your ability to perform is compromised, that would be a reason to call attention to the matter."  A calm, firm conversation can generally control the tension and discomfort in the office, said Dr. Jennifer Newman, an organizational psychologist and partner in Newman and Grigg Psychological Consulting Service.

Newman said she believes that when a love struck co-worker is approached and let down in a graceful, professional manner, they'll most likely rise to the occasion.

"Most people are pretty grown up and they can handle these situations as they come."  But if the unwanted attentions continue, it may be best to follow up with the human resources department, or, in a small to mid-sized businesses, to discuss the problem with an immediate supervisor.  If the situation leads to threatening or intimidating behavior then it is best to record everything, no matter how small, Newman said.

She admitted that women especially may be embarrassed or fearful of raising such a sensitive subject. They may not want to label themselves as victims or they may worry about how it's going to look in front of the boss.

"It is unfortunate that the onus is on [the object of the affection] to ease the situation," Newman said. "But it's when people get scared or embarrassed that things can go awry. A lot of times they think, ‘Oh, it's my fault,' and ‘What did I do to give a sign that I'd be interested? '

"It's blaming oneself and second-guessing oneself that makes it more difficult."

What's the worst that could happen? That depends on the power dynamic.  Power is the catalyst in every working relationship, Aquino said. When it comes to a workplace crush, its role can't be underestimated.

Read more here

Posted by: suhujitha on 2009-05-22 11:07:48

Subscribe to the feed   Direct Link to this post

Next post: Offering support is the best medicine for a stressed worker 2012-02-07 09:29:21

Don't forget: there is a search box on every page!

Recent Posts:

View Your Cart?

Call us for more information: In Toronto and Area call 647.723.6381 or call 1.866.395.8904 Toll-free. Dial answer group (ext) 3.

Check out our Amazon Reading List!